The Past and My Future.

Whenever i write, not only on my blog but also in my diary and journal(yes i do have two),its like i escape to this world-my own world-where everything is peaceful.
Its my escape from the world. My family. My friends. Just everything and everyone really. Its almost like my safe haven.
Its the one thing i know no one can take away from me.
Not my family.
Not my friends.
Not new aquaintances.
No one.
A lot has been taken away from me in my life. Maybe its the reason why i've become so attached to writing. Because its not human;a physical object. Its not going to leave me. And it will never hurt me. Or make me cry.
I've become so tired of crying only to get hurt again.
And the thing is not many people understand that. Actually no one does. Not my best friend, who by the way, knows me better than i know myself. Not my family.
Again no one.
Another thing no one can take away from me is my dreams. Many have criticized. Especially those who are meant to be the closest to me.
I can take criticism but what i can't and will not take is people looking down on my dreams and saying i wont make it.
I'm extremely thankful for those who have encouraged me and taught me some things i needed to know. More than they'll ever know.
Its lethal holding in emotions. Especially when you're sad. Half of the time thats what i do.
Sad, Angry, Disappointed. Name it. Any unhappy emotion i have experienced, i always bury it. I never get rid of it, just bury it.
Deep down in my heart.
And then i convince myself that its all better and move on with life.
The consequence of this is that these emotions have a way of surfacing after a while.
And everything becomes messed up again. Again this isn't seen by anyone. I hide it well.So who understands?
Again no one.
I recently decided i want to go to Columbia University. Its something that was a huge surprise on myself. Its kinda weird because I had no intention of ever going to the States.But now its all i can think about.
Its in New York, a city i have always wanted to visit and now i may have the chance to study there.And the best part is that i wouldn't be alone, my best friend is determined to go to one of the Ivy League schools. And Columbia University is his second choice. I'm excited about it but only one person knows.
Only one.
Sometimes i wonder if i'll ever be able to actually forget the past and move on with the future. Actually not sometimes but all the time.
Forget the pain and tears.
Forget even the joy becuase it always had something bad following it.
I think its hard. Much more than people realize. And for someone to judge your situation without even knowing you or by stereotyping is extremely wrong.
I honestly hate such people. Who judge you according to where your from or your race or even religion.
But the hate i have for these type of people, channels me to work harder.
To prove all of them wrong.
And the one thing that satisfies me the most is seeing the look on people's faces when i surprise them.
It's amazing.
But I in the end am the only one enjoying this victory.
Only me.


Quote for the Day.
"The free expression of the hopes and aspirations of a people is the greatest and only safety in a sane society"