Long Time, No Blog!

Hey Everyone!
It's been so long since I wrote anything.
Well, I'm really happy. Everything's going great.
I mean there's the whole, "I'm about to go crazy from all this studying." but I'm still okay.
Recently, I talked to my big brother and he told me that I should never let anyone get in the way of my dreams, not a friend, not my family, not a boyfriend.
No one.
And thats the best advise I could give anyone. Because, for me I needed an eye-opener, and perhaps that was it.
I'll do my damned best to get to my dream. And if I don't make it at least I'll still be able to say I tried.

It's a beautiful day and later on I'm going to meet Jon. He's a member of this volunteering group I joined.Yup, I joined a volunteering group!!!
It's going to be my first time meeting him so I'm crossing my fingers and hoping it all goes well.
I'm really happy with the decisions I've made and the ones I'm going to make.
I'm so super happy.
Life's not perfect.Granted.But i'm blessed with great people around me, for instance the person who convinced me to start this blog. I look up to her as a big sister.
There are a few people I can count on and I'd rather a few than a couple thousand.
But i'm still super happy!
LOVE LIFE MY DEAR FRIENDS!!!!
LOVE IT AND LIVE IT!!!!

This Year.

Has not been what I expected at all.
For starters, I don't feel like me anymore. It's like someone has come and taken away the motor which kept me running.
Nowadays I feel constantly drained and less ecstatic.
Before,for instance,when I had something disturbing me, I'd always just let it go and do my best to convince my friends and everyone else that it's okay.
But now, I don't bother hiding the disappointment and lack of enthusiasm for anything.
This is one of the reasons I keep saying I'm amazingly weird.
Makes no sense right?
Well I've never been able to make sense.
A few days ago I realized that I feel more uncertain about my life than I have ever before. I was the one who had my whole life planned out.
It's like there's this longing for something more, an escape.
It's impossible but whenever I'm staring out into space that's what I'm thinking about.
Lately I haven't really been able to sleep because sometimes there's so much going through my mind that sleep evades me.
I just don't feel like me anymore. There's something missing.
I'm trying hard to convince myself that I'm the way I am at the moment because of my exams and work and the fact that I need to take into consideration what I really want to do in the future.
But I can only convince myself so much.
It's all really frustrating. I can't even remember when this all begun.
Perhaps it's always been there, slowly surfacing. But I was too occupied with other things, I didn't realize it.
This Year.
I'm losing me. And I don't know what to do.

Little Cornell and Columbia.

You have your identity when,
You find out not what you can keep your mind on, but what
You can't keep your mind off.

A.R. Ammons

Results Are In.

So I got half of my results on Thursday last week.
I'm not too happy about them.
I managed to get an A in Maths, Physics and English.
That's all really good but in comes the disappointment. In English Literature I got B.
You should know that I love English Literature. It's my favourite subject.
I even read literature in my spare time for pete's sake!
I am very disappointed. Plus no one in my family seems to understand how important this means to me. See the thing is I really want to get into Columbia University, New York. It's already hard as it is getting in because of finances, so in essence, I would need to ace and I mean ACE all my upcoming exams.
Shouldn't be hard right?
Just perfect!!!!!
But it's unbelievable how time has gone really quick.
Granted I haven't been having too much fun. And they say time flies when your having fun.
Weird.
So anyway, I think I go around with a sign on my back saying I like complications.
Because there have been many little complications springing out of nowhere.
Back on that later but for now.
My dear readers I am slowly going insane.
Well I think I am anyway.
And therefore I'm going to be very brutal in my blogs. No swearing or anything like that just brutal. Perhaps to some extent releasing more of me in my writing.
So buckle up.
Seriously. Hold that belt tight because you're in for one scary, crazy and fun ride.
Goodbye for now.

Quote for the Day.
"Odeio minha mãe de passo"
-Someone.

Crete,Greece.

Crete is the largest island in Greece. I had no idea, at least I didn't before today. It's an extremely gorgeous island and one day i would love to tour and explore it.
Yup, that's where I would very much like to be right now.
Why?
Because of the ridiculous amount of coursework I have to do. I shouldn't even be here writing this but hey, this substitutes for a break.
I got into writing about Greece because I was doing my Business Studies coursework and read something to do with Greece. Then, diverted my attention to looking up famous attractions and islands in Greece. Trust me, it was so much more fun than my coursework.
For one, I had the pleasure of enjoying beautiful pitures rather than looking at an entrepreneurs cash flow forecast.
My day was "super" fun!
Guess what I did?
Coursework! woop-de-doo!
If you didn't get the fact that I was being extremely sarcastic well, now you know I was.
Good thing is I'm making progress and looks like I can actually go back to having a life.
No joke people.
I've had to rain-check every opportunity to go out.
Whenever I'm asked, its always the same answer.
"Sorry, I can't come. Coursework and everything. Really busy"
Ah, well, it's only my future on the line right?
Anyway, thought I should post something to relax for a while.

Quote for the Day.
"Sometimes its good to be friends first. Other times you really don't need to waste your time in that process-just fast forward to falling in love."
-Veronica Mars.

Unconternally.

I'm currently listening to "How to Mend a Broken Heart" by Al Green.
It's a very beautiful, emotional, soulful song.
I was just thinking about love. Yet again.
But then I came up with the word unconternally.
Unconditionally.
Eternally.
Combined together.
That's the kind of love i want to experience.
This was a short post.
I just wanted to write that. And share some Al Green as well.

Good Day Indeed.

So yesterday i was a bit soppy, sad and solemn to say the least but again my friends have been remarkable.
Well for starters I woke up late because of all of the crying I had been doing the night before. So once I was out fo the shower and all dressed up for school I was out of the door quicker than i did the showering and dressing. And half way through to school I realized I hadn't eaten any breakfast. Dumb of me, yes I know so I went on anyway.
I'm the type of person who really has to listen to music in the morning to get me going, and this morning I couldn't because my Ipod was on extremely low battery so I left it at home. Luckily for me, my best friend Grace( she's my second best friend), was also late and we met up near school and walked in together.
I didn't have to say anything for her to know that something was wrong so I told her everything. About my rather challenging life and its complications.
She really encouraged me. And said exactly what I needed to hear. And added a bit of tough love. But I thank her for being realistic rather than holding back the truth.
Of course we were both late so we got a late detention. It was only ten minutes, which was good. Seeing as detentions aren't really my thing.
Anyway, so English was really good because we were doing Media Analysis. Which I love.
Niall and Paige, my English deskmates-both hilarious. Making stupid jokes about our "Student" teacher. I say student because she's on training.
She's not the best I must say, but that's not going to stop me from liking my lesson.
Once a geek, always a geek.
Paige told me today that she admires me and thinks that I'm really cool and down-to-earth. I swear if it wasn't for the fact that I hate crying in public, I would have shed a little tear. Paige obviously has no idea about what happened last night so you can imagine my shock when she said it. It's like God is trying to encourage me. Letting me know that it's all going to be okay.
Looks like someone up there really has it going for me.
My next period after break was P.E. Oh, how I love P.E!
Mostly because I don't have to do anything. So today me and Grace kept talking about anything and everything for the entire two hour length of the lesson.
P.E is really chilled out with my teacher. She normally lets us bring in the Ipod speakers and listen to some music.
So me and Grace decided we were going to sing and dance to any song that came on.
We were horrible of course, but all through we kept laughing like someone had slipped Nitrous Oxide into our systems.
Oh man, my ribs still hurt now because of all the laughing.
It cheered me up. All the laughing that is.
Sometimes that's all we need right? Someone to laugh with for two hours. Lol
And now, I'm past everything. Just moving on because sooner or later I would have to.
So i chose the former.
And then when I got home, my other best friend from Holland called me.
Here's what you should know, he NEVER calls me. Seriously, NEVER!!
I was so happy when I talked to him. It's like we've got this connection.
Because he said that he wanted to call because we hadn't spoken in a while and that he wanted to see how I was doing.
Pretty huge coincidence that he called today huh?
Well I won't go into the dynamics of his calling but, if I was happy before the phone call, I was ECSTATIC after.

Today I learnt a really good lesson.
True friends are everywhere. It's just up to us to decide who those people are.
And once we're clear as to who they are, we had better keep them close.
Because, just like diamonds, they are rare.